Today, CBS News posts transcripts of text messages to and from Jane Doe, the Cornell orgy enthusiast who has since become enshrined in the more naive part of the public’s imagination as a modern day Tess of the d’Urbervilles of the Finger Lakes, a passive, willowy virgin brutally raped by the White Male Power Structure:
But as I’ve been pointing out, when you look into the details, it turns out that Jane Doe is, well, different …
As she told the Cornell Police, she’s a serious weightlifter who was “cutting weight” (presumably for a competition of some kind) when she did six straight shots of tequila at her sorority house before setting out alone for the fraternity house.
When she got there and was handed a beer can, she recalled, “I opened the beer can with my teeth.”
I tried to look up the demographics of who exactly opens beer cans with their teeth, but I got this sensible warning from Google Gemini instead:
Here are some text messages a few days after what CBS News accurately calls “a night of excessive drinking, drug use and group sex:”
Tuesday, Oct. 22, 2024
1:36 PM | [MALE 1]
I’m guessing that Male 1 is Matthew Ingalls, the part Middle Eastern & North African student from Dubai.
Yo it’s [MALE 1]
4:02 PM | JANE DOE
hey king
how u …
JANE DOE
people always want to talk about soemthing like i had
She then goes on to talk about allegations about her from her freshman year. I’ll put the nature of the old rumors about Jane Doe behind the paywall, but you can probably guess just from her tendency to open a beer can with her teeth:
Paywall here.
